So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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