I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
