I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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