So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
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No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
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You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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