She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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