Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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