I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
