school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
