i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
