R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
