our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
