I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
