My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
