What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You made out with two different species that night
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
