i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We have started to decorate penises.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
