He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
