You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
