if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You are the jesus of drinking
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
