If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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