Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
