i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
