How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
