im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
