I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize