DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
