she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
