you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
