i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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