About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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