I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
