hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
