the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
