seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
