Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
