I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
