it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
And then he peed in my hair
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