dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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