I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
