Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
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He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
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There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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