honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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