Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
