dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
