Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
