Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
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fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
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I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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