Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
