I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
