I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
