Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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