now i know why i became what i already was.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Randomize
