shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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