plz talk dirty to me
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Randomize
