just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
