I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
