her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
