Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
