I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
