Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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