If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
