I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
