i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I think i got beer on your cat.
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