remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
