Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
