i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Acid is not a monday night drug
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
