I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You can't just leave with hair like that
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
