Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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