I want to make a zoo with you.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My bed smells like the plague
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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