I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
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