He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
