And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
