well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
