Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just gift wrapped bread.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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