I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
