Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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