Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
operation have a gay friend backfired
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
