She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
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