Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
