My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
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