Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
