Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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