I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
