Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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