Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize