You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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