yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
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