Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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